Will Vader beat Putin to Ukraine?

THE Dark Lord of the Sith is stepping into politics to take control of Ukraine. And he’s up against some evil competition.

    



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Backyard blitz: Yes, that’s a croc

MAN gets shock of his life when he went to his back yard in the dark and rain to stop his dog barking – and stumbled on a 1.8m crocodile.

    



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Human-bound books a grim read

DO tweets lack tangibility? Are e-books somehow insubstantial? There’s nothing like holding an old-fashioned book in your hands. Even if it’s bound in human flesh.

    



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No sex please, they’re Russian

IN the face of guns, tanks and fighter jets, Ukrainian women have taken the battle against Russia’s invasion of Crimea to the bedroom. They’ve declared a sex strike.

    



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How could anyone be such a dope?

A MIDDLE-AGED woman has reported her stolen cannabis plant to police — and has subsequently been charged with cultivating the illegal drug.

    



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Kick-ass! How donkeys scare dogs

WHEN it comes to wild dogs, farmers have a new secret weapon. Donkeys, which even use wrestling moves, apparently.

    



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Is that a gun in your pocket?

TALK about weapons being drawn. Police surrounded a house after reports of an angry, shirtless man who was packing a gun. Here’s what it really was.

    



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‘Hell’s Chicken’ gets a new name

CHICKENOSAURUS? Chicken from Hell? Just how do you name a startlingly large, beaked and birdlike dinosaur that roamed America on long, slender legs?

    

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‘Hell’s Chicken’ gets a new name

CHICKENOSAURUS? Chicken from Hell? Just how do you name a startlingly large, beaked and birdlike dinosaur that roamed America on long, slender legs?

    



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Mum flees as Oscar looks her in eye

REEVA Steenkamp’s mother has been forced to flee a South African courtroom – but not before the accused murderer finally looked her in the eye.

    



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